We’ve all seen Facebook posts such as, “Top 10 Things Never to Say to a Parent of a Child with a Autism,” or something similar. If you have a child with a disability, it’s possible you have endured some strange looks or comments. I know we have. Honestly, though, those times are far and few between. More often, I have been amazed by how complete strangers have tried to accommodate for and relate to my child. Sometimes, I think the “Never Say” lists and similar articles do more harm than good. Let me set the scene to illustrate why:
We took Adventure Boy (AB) to a McDonald’s with a play place this weekend. In the past, we have avoided them because of the inevitable sensory overload and the struggles with relating to other kids. But…as I’ve posted before, we are trying so hard to step out and give him more experiences. It is the only way he will grow.
There were quite a few kids at the play place and Adventure Boy was indeed showing signs of overload. At one point he got frozen in one place and was crying. My husband had to climb up in the enclosure and help him get down. Normally, that would be our cue to leave, but AB didn’t want to leave the area, so we took our lead from him. He sat at the table quietly eating a few French fries, then tried again at the play area. A little boy, about 4 years old, tried to strike up a conversation with him. At this stage in his life, AB struggles with the verbal skills to respond to questions, especially when the person is unknown. So he ignored the other boy and walked away. The little boy, not to be deterred, followed him to our table, still talking. AB, turned to him, said, “No,” and then tried counting, “One, Two, Three.”
My heart was simultaneously bursting with pride at his effort to communicate without screaming or growling and silently laughing because we’ve used that counting strategy with him many times.
At that point, I intervened to help him communicate with the little boy. The boy’s mom came over too, and apologized for him. She told me he had been asking questions about AB and that she didn’t want to hurt our feelings or offend us by letting him ask. This brings me to the point. I think that sometimes well meaning people who want to understand our kids are prevented from educating themselves and their children because of the fear of offending someone. I, for one, would rather inform than feign indignation.
In simple terms, I explained to the little boy that AB has a disability that makes it difficult for him to talk. That satisfied his curiosity and the mom’s face clearly showed relief that we didn’t get upset.
This begs the question…How can parents of kiddos with disabilities open the dialogue to promote better understanding? That understanding could then allow our children a much better shot at inclusion and social success. More than anything, that’s what I want for Adventure Boy. A place in this world where he is understood, valued, and included based on his merits. What could be better?
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