Last week, I posted about the difference between meltdowns and tantrums. As promised, this post is about calming strategies for meltdowns, which are times when the child is out of control of his or her body and emotions. When Adventure Boy (AB) is in the midst of a meltdown, he needs help to calm down. At his current skill and maturity level, he simply can’t do it himself. Here are some strategies we’ve learned over time:
1) Use as few words as possible. A child in this state is past being reasoned with. If there are issues that need processed through (like hitting someone), they have to be addressed later.
2) Help the child get to a place where he can calm down. If the meltdown is caused by environmental factors, it's very unlikely he will be able to get back to a calm state in that place. At school, AB has a set calming space in his classroom with a beanbag chair and a sensory bin for him to use. If he is not in his classroom, he typically crawls under furniture to escape and calm down. When possible, he likes to have lowered light as well.
3) Provide time and space while assuring safety. Once in a quiet space where self regulation can happen, many kids will start to calm down pretty quickly. AB loves to dangle beads or pop bubble wrap while calming down.
Occasionally, though, a child will engage in self injury (head banging, biting, etc). It is sometimes necessary to get close to the child or alter the calming space to assure safety.
4) When the child is calm, talk through the problem using as few words as possible. The more words, the less likelihood the child will be able to process the message. We start with what we want AB to do (use nice hands, etc) in the situation and then help him practice an apology if he has hit someone. Because of his low verbal skills, this is usually a simple ”sorry.” If it is a person he knows well, he may offer a hug. We find eye contact is very difficult for him, especially when apologizing, so we don't require it. If he needs to apologize to a peer, we prepare them ahead of time.
5) Help the child return to his routine as soon as is feasible.
Coming soon: Unconditional positive regard (maintaining a good relationship) and antecedent (preventative) strategies for meltdowns and other behaviors.
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